Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Precious Lord, I feeling sad,

And I’m feeling I’ve been had;

With their words they pierce right through me,

For they come merely to screw me.

Precious Lord, would I be bad,

If for once I got real mad?

If I hit them where they hurt most,

Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?

ã1 January 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

But, We All Knew You Lied

But, We All Knew You Lied

Through the eyes of innocence

You saw yourself laid bare,

And because you could not handle it,

You made yourself not care.

The pleading eyes of a frightened child

Clutched your heart each time,

But you couldn’t face yourself just then,

So your child became just slime.

The silence roared through fiery eyes

That continued to hope and plead,

Wounded, alone, and buried alive

Under a heart that would continually bleed.

Why? The eyes asked.

How could you do it? They cried.

But, I love you, you said,

And the child wouldn’t believe you lied.

ã19 January 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Crash! Went the Facade

Crash! Went the Facade

A fantasy kingdom,

A life built on lies,

A house made of cards.

A heart in disguise,

A roof full of holes…

I now realize

As memory returns

A shocking surprise

I’ve known all along—

Right before my eyes!

Never put together—

Now the truth will arise

In my heart in my mind,

As I know of assurance

What I greatly despise

Was done to me;

My memory denies

I’ve made it up—

Now the truth for the lies…

Will set me free???

Oh, God! For the lies!

Ó17 January 1993, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Daddy, oh Daddy

Daddy, oh Daddy

Daddy, oh daddy,

Please love your little girl.

I’m scared, oh so frightened.

Let me in your lap curl.

Daddy, oh daddy,

I am a wee, wee tot.

I only want to laugh and play.

I don’t know what’s right, what’s not.

But daddy, oh my daddy,

I do not understand

Why you say you love me,

But on the other hand…

…daddy? Oh daddy?

Why does your love hurt so?

Why does what should bring me up

Make me feel so low?

ã19 June 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

So When Will I Be Good Enough?

So When Will I Be Good Enough?

Mommy, where are you?

I need you right now!

I’ve always tried to please you,

But could you please tell me how?

It seems the very best I do

Is never really enough

To meet your expectations of me,

So you treat me very rough.

Am I really so offensive

That you cannot treat me right?

Isn’t it cruel to say one day

That you just might…

…might what?

Am I not allowed to know?

Or is this just your way to say

You’ll keep me under toe?

ã19 June 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

I’ve Heard This One Before

I’ve Heard This One Before

Oh, little one, stop crying now,

For you are now safe and sound.

Just settle down within my arms.

Let your heart now cease to pound.

Rest your head upon my chest

And rest your troubled mind.

It really is quite pleasant, dear,

To take you from behind.

No, don’t scream from pain or fear.

Don’t anyone disturb.

You’re all right within my arms,

So don’t you me perturb!

There, there, it’s over now.

That wasn’t so very bad.

It’s just because I love you so.

Now aren’t you very glad?

ã19 June 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

And the Child Cries

And the Child Cries

Guilty! Branded!

Declared unclean!

Pariah! Scum!

What does it mean?

To be shunned,

To be outcast,

Outside, unwanted…

How long will this last?

Hurting so deeply,

Yet feeling numb,

And being too smart

Just to play dumb.

Aching and empty

Yet trying to hope,

Fears, hurt, anger,

Trying to cope.

Yet what have I done

To be treated this way?

It must be quite horrible

Because no one will say.

ã23 October 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.